Oh so tired!

Knackered! And for no apparent reason. I think I need to stop reading before I go to bed.

Nothing much has been happening since the birthday celebrations on Sunday. I can't believe Principessa is four already. It feels like only yesterday I was in the horrible delivery room, with Melanie and H for support, hoping it wouldn't take too long for Princi to be born. 17 and a half hours later... Ouch! I'd say cats aren't in labout for that long, but then I didn't give birth to a litter of mewling kittens. Thank god! There would have been something seriously wrong then!

Well, must get to the creative scribbling. I have now been assigned my tutor, and the actual start date of the course is looming (27th Sept). So, the plan for the day is:

• to bash out a few more freewrites
  
• maybe do a few clusters around the TMA prompts
• attempt some 'pen portraits'
• do a couple of haiku

all in the next two hours! Then Princi is back from nursery. So, upanattam!

If I had but the talent or the inkling...

This is fantastic! Batman meets Jane Austen, one of the funniest things I've read in a long time.

And speaking of films, holy heck was I disappointed. I watched Be Kind, Rewind last night. Now, while the film was good, not excellent by any stretch of the imagination, I enjoyed it. I loved the use of pizza bloodsplats, and tinsel ghost tazers, but the ending was... not exactly an ending. One thing I like in a film, if it is not part of a series, is for it to have some closure. BKR had no closure. It seemed like they got to that point in the film and just said "Ah, stuff it. That'll do. It's a wrap." Pah! Such a pity, because it was a good idea.

As for the clustering. It seems to be coming along a little. The brain is slowly opening, like a Predataor's maw with lockjaw! I'm not used to thinking in spidergraphs, it almost seems forced. I'm finding it difficult to generate ideas when prompted with something that is likely to be far from the actual story subject. Hopefully, once I've worked through my skepticism, this technique will turn on some lights. At the moment it just feels wrong forcing my brain to make leaps that it wouldn't normally, it usually takes tenacious leaps of its own accord and slaps me accordingly!

Anyway. Back to it.

Keep on dreaming boy, 'cos when you stop dreaming it's time to die.

(Picture from www.bbc.co.uk/sports)

Ah well. Andy Murray didn't win. He gave it a good shot, and played some fantastic tennis, but Roger came out and you could see the win in his eyes. Andy was just a pesky little fly that needed swatting, and swatting in the most complete sense of the word. But still, what an amazing game. Some of the rallies brought out the best tennis in the both of them, but I haven't seen Roger play that way - with that confidence - all year. Stunning!

Elizabeth Bear is offering up some more food for thought in regards to narrators and POV. Go have a read. You wont be disappointed.

So, Principessa is in school. I would love to get some writing done, but there is nowhere in this silly house that provides any silence. I think I may have to invest in some earplugs, just to blot out the sounds of the TV. Drives me mad. I'd love just to switch the TV off, but a Skidaddles insists on zoning out in front of it. Ho hum.

Anyhows, off to wash Principessa's painted uniform.

Blast from the past!

Wow! I've just been having a look around the web after being stunned to find a photo of Ciri and I from about 2000 on a website (and then a few more to boot!), and I found a review - well, sort of - for a Four Star Mary gig in Peterborough. I had written this for my personal website and didn't know that it had been put up anywhere else.

Four Star Mary September 2000.

All the bees have disappeared?

No, this is not a reference to actual bees disappearing. This is the Doctor Who quote that is buzzing all over the net. I've noticed loads of it around, and people have latched onto it and are speculating what it could mean for the series. Well, I thought I'd add my tuppence worth.

I've seen some pictures for this year's Christmas special, so my thoughts are (whited out below so I don't spoil anything for others! If you want to read it, highlight the section):

In a Patrick Troughton episode (The Tomb Of The Cybermen), one of the characters (a German named Klieg) describes cybermen "like bees in a giant honeycomb, awaiting for a signal to awake from their winter sleep." Could the bees disappearing be a reference to this? Also, it has been said that David Morrissey might be playing the part of the first Doctor, but I reckon he looks more like the second Doctor. If so, it would give the bees thing even more weight.

Well, that's my Doctor Who speculation over with for now. The fourth series, after its poor start, is going well. The episodes have been much more enjoyable, and the last episode with the Oods was really good. I still think the Oods resemble a cross between Cthulhu and Bela Lugosi's Dracula though!

Right, enough DW. I had a look at my Feedburner account before and saw one of the best searches ever that led to my blog:

• dave mckean please help me on writing

I am so sad (in the geeky way, that is), I think this is great. If only Dave McKean would teach me to draw! I think I would ask Neil Gaiman or Michael Marshall Smith or Brian Lumley for help with writing though.

Stressed!

The problem with being a perfectionist is trying to live up to the stupidly high standards I have set for myself. Everything has to be just right, and I can't stand getting something wrong. This is why I am struggling with the last two parts of the assignment I am working on.

I just can't get my head around the music (not good, I know how to read music, but I can't seem to fix myself in the right mindset to analyse a piece of music), and the philosophy is going in slowly. I am in a weird state of mind right now where I can understand it when I read it, but I can't seem to translate that into a piece of written work. Bah!

The struggle I am having now seems so much like a struggle I went through about 13 years ago. I had signed up to a BTEC science course. I enjoyed science, but had never really done biology or chemistry as 'pure' subjects. The biology I managed to get my head around quite quickly. The chemistry was a different matter.

I had never done a chemistry experiment in an academic situation. Okay, I knew what test tubes and pipettes were, how to use a Bunson burner and whatnot, but I didn't know about titrations. The trouble I had understanding what I was doing was overwhelming. Just like now, I began to panic. Unlike now, I managed to calm myself, sit down and work through the problem until I had my eureka moment. So, at 1am, after spending hours working my way through what I thought was going to throw a spanner in the works, I nearly woke the house up shouting 'Eureka!' Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be happening now.

I like the piece of music I have to study for the assignment, but when I listen to it I don't know if what I am hearing is syncopated or if it's a contrapuntal melody. ARGH! I've found that it's no good knowing the terms if you don't know how to put them into action. Ho hum.

The one thing I have discovered is that while my head is dancing dazed and confused with understanding all this new stuff the story side of my brain is starting to unlock and the urge to write is once again starting to ask for attention. Hooray!

And it's all over.

Bah! Tsonga didn't win. I was really hoping he would. In the end, Djokovic deserved the win as he kept his head better. Such a pity though. I suppose there'll be plenty of other chances for Tsonga, he just needs these experiences to know what to expect next time around.

'Twas a great match, never the less, and after the first set I did think that Tsonga might win. Both of them played some brilliant shots, but Tsonga made far too many errors. Was close, though!

I ended up watching the Chronicles of Riddick last night. I didn't like Pitch Black, but I liked Chronicles. I liked the idea of the Necromongers. Yep, I think I might watch that one again with a little more concentration.

I have now heard from the tutor for my OU course. Kirst and I can now send off our TMA's (tutor marked assignments). I'm just hoping there can be something sorted out for going to the tutorials. I'm not sure I'll be able to get there in the wheelchair. Poop!

On writing - I might have discovered a way out of the slump. I have started scribbling ideas down for the story I began for the NaNo, and something in the first chapter or so might need a little reworking, but I'm feeling more optimistic about it again. The idea for fixing the rut seemed to come steamrollering into my head this morning just after the tennis finished. I have no clue as to what flicked the switch, but I'm glad it did!

Grandand is just getting Principessa ready to go out with him to the shops, so I might just go upstairs and do some studying. I need to get my head around the Art History part of the OU course. Argh!

Bloody Torchwood!

I'm so glad it's back. I missed it. And it has added attractions now, in the form of James Marsters (Spike from Buffy). I have to admit, he was looking quite good ;) I did feel that there was a big nod to Buffy with some lines in the new episode, and the Jack/John fight/kiss scene was very reminiscent of the Buffy/Spike fight/sex scene in the Buffy S6 episode 'Smashed'. There seems to be a lot more humour in it too, and I like the idea of a running storyline. The first series, although there were underlying stories that ran throughout, had episodes that were more stand alone. But I'm glad it's back, sports car driving blowfish and all.

Kirst was around today. We're not actually going to read each other's essays now, Kirst doesn't want to be influenced by what I have put in my essay. We also checked to see if her course materials had been sent out to her only to find out that DHL has supposedly tried to deliver them on 21 December. Well, how was Kirst meant to know when no card had been left? Anyway, DHL has sent the parcel back to the OU, so we had to contact them to have the stuff sent back out again. We also sent an email to find out when they were assigning us with a tutor, too. It's all a bit like pulling teeth at the mo.

Had a bit of a crap evening last night. The controller on my chair riser broke, leaving me without a seat in the front room. We called Social Services careline to report the fault, but it still left me stranded and having to sit upstairs in my room. Despite this, Principessa was very good this morning, sitting upstairs happily watching her DVD's on her little portable player, while every now and again jumping on the bed for a cuddle and requesting tickles. Strange girl! The Social called at around 10am to let us know that someone would be around to fix the chair riser at around midday. *Phew* is all I can say, I am glad that they fixed it so fast. I hate being stuck upstairs.

I still haven't done much writing. I seem to have completely locked out novel and story writing, but I have written a few poems, so I suppose all is not lost. I am glad to see that other writers do not write things that are meant to be full of symbolism. I don't think about underlying messages when I write and just write what I feel is right for the story. I found this out when I sent an excerpt from one of the stories in progress to a Japanese friend. When she wrote back to me, she told me what she thought of my writing, and what she thought it symbolised. It was so interesting to see what she had read into what I had written. It made me feel really good!

I have been reading a lot of Wil Wheaton's blog recently. Not only is it a good read, but it's interesting to see that he shares a lot of the same writing frustrations as lowly folk like me!

On the reading front, I am doing lots. I thought it was a more positive way to fill time while not finding the spirit of writing within me. Pygmalion is finished, I'm part way through 'Jane Eyre' and the Sandman graphic novel 'The Doll's House', and I have two Haruki Murakami books to read once I'm done with the other stuff. Then I'll have a read of 'Wide Sargasso Sea', the Sandman graphic novel 'Dream Country' and then Euripides 'Medea'.

*Phew!* That'll give me something to do!

My Little Terror

No, it's not what you think. Principessa is watching Charlie and Lola at the moment and she's watching one of her favourite episodes called 'My Little Town'. I don't know why, but Principessa is insistent that it is called 'My Little Terror'. I suppose, given the fact that Charlie is very selfish in the episode and doesn't give Lola a chance to play with the game that their grandparents gave them, it could seem like a little terror to Principessa. When she plays with other kids she is very happy to share (though not if she's playing with me or Nan or Grandand, then everything is hers alone!), so she probably feels that Charlie is terrorising Lola. Or maybe I am just looking too deeply into this!

I have started to do a write around for the problems in my story. (Dagnamit! I had some weird dreams last night and I didn't write them down when they woke me up. I just went straight back to sleep.) I think I might be getting somewhere in resolving the problems. With the help of a book on Celtic tree beliefs there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel. It's possible going to take a few more days of working around but I think I might just get there.

Just lately, Neil Gaiman has been talking about Teller (of Penn and Teller fame) and his plans to do a very gory and with magic version of the Scottish Play. It sounds so interesting that I wish I could go and see it. It sucks to be stuck here! I wonder if they will film a showing and put it on DVD? I hope so, it sounds so intriguing!

Writing help.

Firstly, before the writing stuff, I want to say this. At the moment my heart goes out to a friend of a friend who is experiencing a really horrible and life-numbing situation. At times like this there are no words of comfort to ease the pain. My thoughts are with her and her family and friends.

Now for the writing stuff.

I was pointed (well, not personally) to this post about rewriting through various blogs I read every now and again. I think it is very interesting and thought provoking. It is also very useful for a newbie writer like myself. It informs of the importance of starting a story from the right point to gain maximum impact, and how structural editing should be done before line editing. There is a lot of other useful information in the article. I know I shall be referring back to it as I get further into writing.

If that further happens. The evil demons No'Confidence and Whoderyer Thinkyakidding have reared their ugly stepsister faces. My words have been captured and imprisoned in a damp, dark dungeon (can you see the Warden of Alliteration whipping my exposed back?). The hero, Pen, with his sidekick Woodpulp, is nowhere to be seen. Their stand-in, Com Puter, is feeling the vicious, blinding rage of Blank Page. Who will save me from my wordless fate?

ARGH!

Now for the tennis news.

Andy Murray won the Doha final. Yay him! It was a really good match, dependent on a deciding set. Stanislas Wawrinka really put him through the wringer, and some of the rallies were exceptional. Let's hope he carries this form into the Aussie Open.

Oh no, not the bones!

Principessa and I started reading a book on the human body yesterday. As we read through, we reached the page concerning the skeleton. One of the interactive parts of the page had a spinning circle with different foods on, and the legend 'Eating different types of food helps the bones to grow strong and healthy'. We looked through the different foods and Principessa seemied to be quite interested and excited about it.

"That's why it's important to eat your dinner," I said.

"No Mummy, I don't like to eat me dinner," Principessa said.

"But eating food helps your bones to grow."

"But I don't like to eat bones."

And there you have it.

I have started working on the war poetry part of my OU prep material. It's interesting how different I see the poetry now, as to when I was 14 studying it in school. The poems hold much more of an impact now, especially as I understand a bit more about poetry and have stopped to listen about people's experiences in the war. When we studied war poetry in school I wasn't very interested. I did not read or write poems then, and I did not want to look too keen in school as I was being bullied anyway. So I distanced myself . (I did this a year later when my English teacher tried to get me to read Romeo And Juliet after I used a passage from the play in a short story for a piece of coursework. If course, I said no. I didn't want to be targeted for doing extra work.) I wish I had taken the time to read the poems properly back then, and do other things that may have been beneficial for me.

Andy Murray continues his good form, despite a blip in the first set of his second match. He won yesterday's match 1-6 6-0 6-1. Good stuff. He might have more of a fight on his hands today. He goes up against Thomas Johansson.

I think I need to write down the ideas I have late at night. I have so many starts of stories, or ideas for middles, just before I go to sleep. I don't write them down though, because it is so hard to get up. I will have to start though, because I am doing myself out of some good ideas and, possibly, good writing. Stupid me.

It's not even the new year and the tennis is already back...

Is the whinge that I'm hearing from my Dad. 'Tis not my fault, 'tis not the tennis player's fault. It's just the way it is. And it's on, because I like to watch the tennis.

Principessa had a lovely mood on today. She was so good while we were at the bookshop and coffeeshop. Grandand left us in the coffeeshop to have our drinks, so it was just Principessa and me, and it was soooo nice having mummy-daughter time while we were out. That doesn't happen too often because if Principessa decides she doesn't want to be good, I am unable to get the wheelchair moving fast enough to catch her. But it was lovely, and I am very contented this afternoon.

I have been working on a story and character outline for a story that has been niggling at the back of my head for about the last year and a half. I've started doing some proper research for it and it is feeing more and more interesting to me. I'm just having problems with the characters at the moment. I need to think more about their motivations.

The LRRH short story has also opened up some new possibilities. The character seems to have piqued my interest, so I think I might like to do some more writing with her, but also the background for the story seems to have fitted into an idea I began scribbling down last year. It may lead to some more short stories for other chararcters in that world. Woohoo!

I think I will have to transcribe the NaNo story onto computer soon, just to get back into the plot. It might help me work through some of the plot demons that are currently possessing me. I am still unsure how to work my way out of my literary prison, the dynamite device is eluding me. Harrumph!

Apart from all the writing stuff, I've still got to do a lot of work on the OU stuff. I think I might have to start sitting down at night and working through some of it. I have got to write a short essay pretty soon, though I am not too worried about that. I am more worried about the second assignment, as it is covering art, poetry and philosophy. Having never studied art or philosophy, I am a bit dubious about how I will handle it. But we'll see how it goes.

So, I am going now to write out some sort of time plan so I can fit everything into the day! I think I may have to start having early mornings, or just continue having late nights. I'll have to have a go at both to find out what time of day I am most productive.

Just one last thing;

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!

What a week.

Well, Niamh completed her first week at nursery. She was doing brilliantly until Friday, when the teachers tried to take her and the other kids to the school hall to play with all the big toys. Well, Niamh (according to the teachers) was inconsolable. They took her back to the classroom, where she asked, "Are we home now?" Porr little thing. By the time Linds got round to the school to pick her up she was happy as Larry and didn't want to leave. Ah well!

Over the first half of the week I went to school with her, but by Thursday my stomach couldn't take it. There are too many roads on the way to the school, and being leant backwards in the wheelchair really turns my stomach. I am petrified that Gaz is going to lose his grip and I am going to fall backwards. Eugh. Horrible.

It was also Halo 3 release week. Gaz received his copy on Tuesday, so on Wednesday, after dropping Niamh off at shcool, we went back to his ('twas very strange being back in that house after moving out years ago!) and played it for about an hour. Now I have to save up to get an Xbox 360. I quite enjoyed Halo 3, and I really would like to get PGR 3 too. Ho hum!

Ooohh, I saw this yesterday (thanks to the link from Neil Gaiman's blog) and I really want one;
The Great Old Ones are coming!

Next week I'll get back to writing and learning Japanese. I've let both slide a little, well, a lot really. I need to get back to it. I have been putting off the writing for a long time, I've just not had the motivation or the confidence to carry on. I think it is time to bite the bullet and force myself back into these things. Though I don't recommend biting bullets, it's a slightly dangerous pasttime! But no, in all seriousness, it is time to shake these nagging self doubts and get down to business. Wow, that is really assertive! I think I have just shocked myself into action with that!

I think my head may just explode!

Principessa and a keyboard.... Not a good combination. The keyboard she has been playing with is one of those old Casio keyboards with a demo tune on. I swear to God she has had it playing constantly for about the last half an hour. It's enough to turn a person into a raving lunatic! Argh!

I tried, once again, to take Principessa to Clarks to have her feet measured. I don't know why, but she has an irrational fear of the foot gauge. She screams so loud it is frightening. It is also very worrying. You can see the looks across peoples faces as they wonder 'What in hell do these people do to this kid?' It's horrible. And while all this is happening I am trying to calm Principessa down, floundering like a kipper, as I sit trapped in the stupid chair. Argh! Again.

Well, I am getting close to finishing my kids story. Problem is, I may have to rethink as I think I may have written myself into a corner that has no exit. Poop! All I have to do now is ask someone to illustrate it for me (I have clear ideas of the pics for it). I just wish I had more support from peeps around me, instead of slightly interested indifference. Ho hum. I'll just have to battle on....

Writers' blogs and J-rock

Not long ago, I was reading an article on a website for one of the authors whose books I enjoy reading. The article was regarding the writing of a blog if you are an aspiring writer. For something as simple as a blog, to have such strong feelings about such a small part of the internet struck me as quite insane. But, as I read further, there seemed to be some words of wisdom hidden in the prose. Take a look for yourself: 'Vampires of the internet' . I think this is quite a selfish standpoint to have, for I very much enjoy reading the blogs of other authors who can share their knowledge and experiences with us lesser mortals.

I must admit, I have been blogging more than writing recently. My brain is not geared to write at the moment. So, for all the writing I am doing, I am not actually writing anything. Sometimes I feel quite frustrated by this, but I just haven't the motivation to carry on with some of the stories I have on the go. There are too many other ideas, some I feel could make really good stories, others which are only part ideas - a character or a scene - jostling for postion in my priorities. I don't think I'm ever going to finish anything, the way I am going now.

Anyway, time for tea. I will finish by sending you to look at the 'Will it blend?' page and the link for one of my favourite J-rock bands, Triceratops.

Want that one!

I hate having those “I want it NOW” moments. I’ve had to buy some new notebooks so that I can do some writing, because I don’t really like sitting at the computer and typing. In fact, typing is my least favourite part of writing. I suppose it’s something to do with why I don’t like e-books. I really love books and reading, the texture of the paper under my fingers, the smell of the pages, and just the general feeling of substance in my hands. It’s almost like it’s an achievement when you get to the end of a book and you close the final page. You don’t get that with an e-book. No smell, no substance, no feeling of achievement. Just the whirring of the fan and the clicking of the arrow key as you scroll. And I hate scrolling.

The same goes for writing. When you write you can feel the paper under your hand, and then pen in your fingers. There is the satisfying scratching of the pen on the paper as it carves out the words you manipulate it to shape. There is the smell of the ink. All the intrinsic components that, without them, makes writing soulless. That is how writing on a computer makes me feel.

Okay, so you can spell check on the computer in a flash, and when you write you have to thumb through a dictionary. But thumbing through the dictionary can be a journey of discovery itself. You stumble across words that are magical and fantastical all at the same time. Then there is the word you want to use. The dictionary provides distraction as you search for your original word and this can spark other ideas just on the scanning of a word you were not originally interested in. Fantastic.

But now, back to the ‘I want it NOW’ thing. I was looking at notebooks online yesterday and found a site selling digital notebooks. Curiosity piqued, I looked further into this wonderful and alien conception. Well, I want one. The pads are simply pads of paper; though special, magic paper. The magical digital pen partners the magical paper pad. The pen films your handwriting as you scribble on the pad. With the special software the computer reads your handwriting and transfers it into a Word document. Abracadabra! No more losing the all-absorbing enchantment of writing.

ARGHHHHH!!! Stupid internet. Or rather, stupid cable. I've been attempting to get on the internet over the last three days, but there has been a problem with the connection. Dunno what it was, but yay, it's fixed and I can get back to normality!

Not much has been happening, really, over the last few days. I've been doing a little bit of writing, but even that has been sorely hampered by Microsoft Works word processor. I thought I was going hell for leather with the writing, though there was a little niggle there that I hadn't done as much as Works word count was saying I had done. Well, the word counter suddenly decided to start counting characters instead of words. How piddled off was I, when I discovered this? Very, I can tell you. I've now installed Office 2000. At least that seems to be working properly.

Anyways, here is a post that I did want to put up two days ago. Thank God it's still relevant!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Okay, I read this over the weekend of its release and didn't say anything about it even though I was very excited. I just wanted to read it to see how it finished. I was happy and disappointed at the same time, though I couldn't work out what niggled at me. I thought the ending was a little weak, but couldn't put my finger on what was missing. Then yesterday I was reading a blog by the author ------ and suddenly all became clear. From the end of the last battle and the epilogue of the story there were 19 years missing (okay, I knew this as the last chapter is titled 'Nineteen Years Later'). What I mean to say, is there is nothing indicating what happened to the characters (except the relationships that happened between them) after the battle. After all that had gone on in the previous books, all the angst after the OWLS about what kind of wizarding career each would go into, after the fight to bring equality to the wizarding world; nothing.

So, I was thinking on that this morning, as I sat in the only place I am able to think (I'll leave it to your imagination where that is)....

I have two favourite series of books, and strangely enough both the main characters are called Harry. One as you know is Potter, the other is Keogh, the main character in Brian Lumley's Necroscope series. As I sat and pondered on this fact, it came into my mind that many people are hoping that J.K.R. will write further Harry Potter books. This led me to thinking about Harry Keogh. Well, there was a gap in the Harry Keogh timeline between Necroscope 3 and 4, allowing Mr Lumley to write two further volumes of the Necroscope series subtitled 'The Lost Years'. Maybe (hope upon hope), this is what J.K.R. will do with Harry Potter. By leaving the gap and tantalising us with no mention of what happens (apart from marriages and kids), she has left the story unfinished to be reopened at a later date when she feels ready to re-enter the world of Harry Potter.

Well, it has made me feel a bit happier to think of it this way. After all, hasn't Stephen Donaldson re-entered 'The Land' of Thomas Covenant after a sabbatical of 25 years?